Today, I was sitting across from my beautiful daughter and was overcome with emotion. I feel so grateful to have such a beautiful, passionate, sensitive, loving child to call my own. I am reminded daily of how lucky I am to have her in my life. Her laughter, her endless hugs, the touch of her hand on my face as she kisses me good morning. She is a gift to me, a precious gift.
She is my child and I, her mother. Yet today, of all days, I am reminded that she is not my only child. There was another who I never met, who I never held in my arms, yet who I still hold in my heart. I grieve for the loss of my child.
The other day out of the blue, my daughter told me that she was sad. She shared with me that she wished that she was a sister and that she missed baby. She asked me if there would ever come a day when we would have another, assuring me that this time, it was okay “if it was a boy or a girl…” I smiled and laughed and then grew sad, knowing that the day may never come. She would be the most amazing sister and I wish I had seen it. What I would give to have seen it.
Baby mine….I love you so. Today, just another reminder of how much.