A Scream Into The RainThey say that rain is a symbol of cleansing and that it represents an existence of new life.

When I was pregnant with Ryan, I was obsessed with the rain. I would listen to soundtracks of rain showers on repeat, dream of being drenched by rain storms, sit in the rain on my balcony, walk along the beach in the middle of thunder showers and wait for storms to appear so that I could feel the wet upon my skin. I find myself in this same place now.

Last night, I searched for the sounds of water splashing in puddles and listened to it over and over again. I sat underneath the cold spray of my shower, head and body submerged for half an hour. I pray upon the skies to fill with darkness and pour down on me, so that I may sit, ever so still, in it.

I wish to be cleansed. For this illness to be washed away from me, replaced only by health, wellness and a deep connection to the child that grows inside of me. I want to awaken from sleep, refreshed, energized and able bodied.

It’s warm and sunny today. I will wait.


2 thoughts on “Rain of existence

  1. I’m reading your blog. I’m sorry this is such a difficult pregnancy. Does it last the whole the time? Does it improve to some degree, even for the last trimester? You don’t have to answer these questions. Hang in there. I know you must feel scared and alone. Even though you have support, it feels alone because you have to bear it all in your body. You are in my heart and thoughts. I wish there was more I could do.

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