18 more blankets please

I was able to eat yesterday, bits and bites but more than any day thus far. The nausea that accompanies this little success is overwhelming still. I spent the day in bed (as opposed to running a marathon?) and watched the entire BBC series of Jane Eyre. Way to depress yourself even more, eh?

I’ve still not mastered liquids. I don’t understand what the deal is there. Everything smells the complete opposite of what I remember it to have smelled like and nothing is appealing. Water is utterly disgusting and doesn’t even make the list of possibilities. I’m at a loss. My friend, Cari told me to try coconut water and I haven’t yet, so I’ll try. I have to try.

I rescheduled my iv treatment today from tomorrow. I can’t go more than a day in-between at this point. After a giant mix-up with paper work, we finally got a line in and once again, I felt a hundred times worse when I left. I’m really perplexed by this as fluids, which I lack, should make me feel better when I get them. Instead, my blood pressure lowers (the nurse took it three times in tandem today because she needed to be sure it was a good reading) and I have shaking fits, chills. The nurse buried me in 6 warm blankets to try and calm my body. Eventually, it calmed down. i left exhausted, nauseated and ready for sleep.

One of my moms came to preschool this morning and told me how thin I am. With a worried look she said “You look really thin now. I can really see you’ve lost weight.” Not eating will do that to you. “Best diet ever!” I replied. She laughed. I laughed. Oh sweet sarcasm.

I had the weirdest dream about cereal last night. I ate mounds and mounds of it, drenched in the most delicious sweet milk. Followed by the most amazing new york cheese cake. I f(*@&@) love cheesecake. Obviously, some cruel joke on my brain’s part but at least I am able to eat in my dreams.

I am fully aware how my blog are sounding so repetitive now, but what can I say? It’s the same deal every day. I feel you. I wish it weren’t and I had something totally awesome to share with you. Keep wishing on that star and maybe we’ll get there.

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