Are you there God? It’s me, Opie

I called my nurse this morning. I told her the hell that was last night. Vomiting and weakness, cramping and nausea. I got so sick, I couldn’t make it off of the floor by myself. In between heaves I called upon God, I asked him for some reprieve. I’m pretty much seeking strength where ever I can get it at that point.

iv-vitamin-cShe scheduled me for another hospital treatment at 2pm. The nurse, not God. This time they added yellow saline infused with multi vitamins. I can imagine every cell in my body is doing a happy dance but I still feel like shit. The ride home is all the I can bare, between the light, sounds, smell and movement.

I have another treatment tomorrow evening, but I requested to speak with my doctor beforehand at her office. I need to express how worried I am now, how weak, sick, exhausted…thirsty. I’m unable to stand up for more than a few minutes now without needing to lay down and when I do, I’m light headed. I’m so tired too, which is normal for someone who hasn’t eaten anything in what seems like 12 years.

I asked the nurse if being admitted to the hospital over the weekend was an option. I would have 3 straight days with iv and fluid anti-nausea meds. They could monitor me and since it’s on the weekend, Chris would already be off of work. She told me that it’s extremely difficult to get people admitted to the hospital now. So, I have no idea the next steps. I can’t be admitted, I can’t get a mid-line for home infusions, I am not a candidate for a PICC line and my husband actually has a job that he needs to keep so he can’t be taking off to care for me. Where does that leave me? I’m not the only person who has ever suffered from this disease. I am frustrated and at a loss. What I do know is that I can’t keep going on like this.

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