We spent today in the emergency room. I am scheduled for iv treatment tomorrow afternoon but after 42 hours with any fluids, I couldn’t take it any longer. My body began to shut down and I knew I needed help. When we got there, they gave me two bags, maxed out on zofran and decided to add another drug (reglan) to the mix. It seemed to help. I was able to eat ice chips, which is a huge thing for me right now. After almost 7 hours, they discharged me and I went home.
Reglan is a sneaky bitch of a drug. I had an adverse reaction to it as soon as we got home and pretty much undid all of the work done in the hospital. I spent the last 5 hours in the dark, shaking and fighting off throwing up. I’m utterly exhausted, my body wasted. I won’t be taking that drug again. Damn you, false hope.
This condition is extremely isolating, depressing. 5 hours in a dark bedroom, with no one around. I don’t want to be touched, I can’t stand light, smells and don’t dare think about food or drink. One minute I’m freezing cold and the next I’m boiling up. If I’m not being sick, I’m sleeping, or crying. In the brief moments of reprieve I blog. It makes me feel like I am connecting to something outside of myself. It makes me feel less alone. Maybe someone out there going through the same thing, feels connected too. That’s the hope anyway.
Tomorrow, the preschool re-opens after a week of being closed. This is going to be a hard transition for me, letting go of the reigns and letting others teach my class. I’ll be here for guidance but won’t be hands on at this point. It’s not realistic. They will be fine, but I’m sad. I love what I do. I love being a crazy fun goofy-covered-in-paint-dancing-queen of a teacher with these kids. I won’t be that person for a while. They’ll still do it all, but I’m just sad that I don’t get to be a part of it for a while. This condition takes a lot away from you and it’s a long road before you get it back.
Today I Feel Sick 
You’re never alone… All of us out here, near and far, your lovely family in the next room, and your sweet little babe deep inside you. We’re all here, knowing not what you go through, but that we will be here for you the whole way.
I completely understand not wanting to give up control of your preschool. Something you have worked so hard for. And you will miss all the fun and smiles. Know that the kids will miss you, and the parents support you. And this is short term – for a great reward at the end. This is only a phase, and things will get better. Love you and miss you.
Sending you lots of love and prayers as you go through this journey for a second time.