We spent today in the emergency room. I am scheduled for iv treatment tomorrow afternoon but after 42 hours with any fluids, I couldn’t take it any longer. My body began to shut down and I knew I needed help. When we got there, they gave me two bags, maxed out on zofran and decided to add another drug (reglan) to the mix. It seemed to help. I was able to eat ice chips, which is a huge thing for me right now. After almost 7 hours, they discharged me and I went home.
Reglan is a sneaky bitch of a drug. I had an adverse reaction to it as soon as we got home and pretty much undid all of the work done in the hospital. I spent the last 5 hours in the dark, shaking and fighting off throwing up. I’m utterly exhausted, my body wasted. I won’t be taking that drug again. Damn you, false hope.
This condition is extremely isolating, depressing. 5 hours in a dark bedroom, with no one around. I don’t want to be touched, I can’t stand light, smells and don’t dare think about food or drink. One minute I’m freezing cold and the next I’m boiling up. If I’m not being sick, I’m sleeping, or crying. In the brief moments of reprieve I blog. It makes me feel like I am connecting to something outside of myself. It makes me feel less alone. Maybe someone out there going through the same thing, feels connected too. That’s the hope anyway.
Tomorrow, the preschool re-opens after a week of being closed. This is going to be a hard transition for me, letting go of the reigns and letting others teach my class. I’ll be here for guidance but won’t be hands on at this point. It’s not realistic. They will be fine, but I’m sad. I love what I do. I love being a crazy fun goofy-covered-in-paint-dancing-queen of a teacher with these kids. I won’t be that person for a while. They’ll still do it all, but I’m just sad that I don’t get to be a part of it for a while. This condition takes a lot away from you and it’s a long road before you get it back.