Today I feel sick. I felt sick yesterday. I will be sick tomorrow.

I’m 6 weeks pregnant.

I can’t eat, I can’t drink and I have nothing left in my stomach for my body to purge. Yet, for the past 12 hours, I’ve been staring at the same row of books on a shelf in-between lifting my head up to puke. I’m not sure how to do this. I have been here before and yet, it’s almost like I have no experience with it. My body hates me. I’m starving and yet I can eat nothing. Ironic.

I have lost 4 pounds in 2 days. This is not what I had in mind for this pregnancy. I was certain I would be well this time around. I meditated on health and wellness. I made a plan, to complete my last quarter of school, exercise, eat right, do yoga, and even hire a nice, caring assistant to help me with my work at the 6 month mark. I envisioned it all, perfectly lined up.

I took my first dose of Ondansetron today. I was able to sleep for an hour and a half without vomiting. I still can’t eat or drink though and I’m running a fever.  I’m so goddamn hungry. But it’s 4:15 and at 3:30 this morning I thought I was going to die. I didn’t. I’m here and I’ll keep on breathing and purging. Punn intended.

 

 

 

 

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